Homemaker of the Year

On Monday, the 2010 Homemaker of the Year was named at the Northwestern Michigan Fair. This makes many women very edgy. First, because it takes a very narrow view of a woman's talents and yet to discount the importance of "making a home" under values the role of women. Once again, we sigh a collective sigh and mutter, "I don't even know what to think about this!".

I do think you need to put this in the context of a county or state fair, where these competitions are held. The fairs spotlight the agricultural community and the traditions of farming. This is where the womanly arts of canning and quilting (yes, both are judged categories) were developed and remain part of our historical perspective. Back in the day, these skills, along with rug beating, clothes line drying, sewing, plucking  feathers for down pillows, were all necessary and valued skills. Today, we buy Smuckers jams, get a poly-something bed quilt which we wash and dry in machines and use a vacuum cleaner from Sweden. 

Homemaking has changed, but I put forth that it is no less important.

When you first walk into a family's home, in that first moment, you can grasp the effort, or lack of, that has been made to make a home. It can be chaotic or peaceful, rustic or stark and modern, richly adorned or a mismatch of yard sale furniture, it doesn't matter. You can sense when a house or apartment is a home.

Regardless if it is a man or woman in charge of the home, you can tell when somebody cares enough and knows enough to create an atmosphere of home. Looking closer, there is the care to manage the family schedules and finances. Thoughtful parenting is taking place here. I think these are very important skills, not just Donna Reed-isms.

Yes, I hope my daughter grows up to be the president of something, but when I am invited to her home, I will be a bit disappointed if she doesn't know how to make a pot roast. Because, pot roast is delicious. Nothing you buy in the frozen food section is every going to taste as good as pot roast with potatoes and gravy. It won't make her a good or bad person, but she and her family will miss out if they don't have a home that when other people walk in, they feel happy.


Keep in mind, I am an extremely homey person. I can feed 10 people dinner with an hour's notice, I can sew (but don't), I can knit, I can design, plant and care for a garden, I know how to set a dinner table, throw a brunch for Mother's Day, needlepoint Christmas stockings and remove most stains. I truly enjoy the effort it takes to make my home a home. It should also be noted that my house is usually quite cluttered and we do eat fast food when all fails.

Most of my accomplishments have been made outside of my home, in the arena of my career and community involvement. And an equally important role most women play now includes management of the family finances, but I consider these "domestic arts" to be just as much a piece of Me. My family means enough to me to warrant Making The Effort to Make a Home.


If you work 60 hours a week, then you can pay somebody else to do a lot of this, but you yearn to have time to put in the Effort.


I will certainly never be a Homemaker of the Year, but I appreciate the art!

Men in bras

In 1986, I was charged with establishing The Women's Business Council of a local chamber of commerce. As the staff member leading a group of member volunteers, it was my role to implement the member's vision of the Board of Directors directive to serve the needs of women in the business community. I was filled with a passion for celebrating modern empowered women. I came to my first meeting with the group armed with a folder full of workshop and speaker ideas on accessing capital, establishing gender-neutral employee policies, sexual harassment awareness programs, etc... All designed to provide cutting edge information and strategies to liberate us from the oppression of the patriarchal business culture. The group wanted to host a fashion show.  I wanted to cry.

"No!" I railed. I probably said something like "Over my dead body", but I can't be sure, it is a blur, a big pink blur. But I am sure that I tried something along the lines of..."Ladies, we have been given an opportunity to be taken seriously, to rise above the ranks of the secretarial pool, we must provide programming that not only serves women but sends a message to the entire community that women in business must to be taken SERIOUSLY!!!!! They stared at me. "Oh".

Keep in mind that my manila folder full of ideas was the ONLY accessory to my plain blue suit with sensible flat-heeled shoes and understated (if even existent) jewelry. We were dressing like men so that we would be treated like men. Those of us at the helm of the womens' business movement were denying our every feminine quality.

Twenty-five years later, I would host a fashion show without a second thought. In fact, Mary in the Morning and Marigold are the proud sponsors of the National Cherry Festival's Royal Pageant of Fashion . Whodathunkit? So what's changed? We can now be WOMEN instead of men in bras.

The worlds of feminism and fashion have always clashed. When I think of an over-the-top hard-core feminist I see a hairy arm-pitted woman in no make up with stringy, if not un-brushed hair. She's not prettying herself up for a man! Well, the message is she's not prettying up for ANYBODY! 

Nowadays, I'm perfectly comfortable expressing myself through fashion and beauty as a complement to what I have to contribute to a conversation. I see a fashion show as an opportunity to preview what is available in stores to help save me precious time when I need or want a new outfit. I am definitely not a fashion plate and consider myself to be fashion-challenged, so for me, a fashion show is like spell check, preventing me from making gaffes that would be potentially embarrassing to "Brand Mary".

I hope to see you at The Royal Pageant of Fashion!

Change Your Plans for Thursday!

Whatever your plans may be for Thursday morning, you will want to change them. At 7:30AM you want to be by a radio, tuned in to my conversation with Donna. Donna? Yes, Donna. She's going to say some things that may shock you, may make you uncomfortable, but I guarantee that you will be talking about her for the rest of the day.

Donna Estes Antebi has written a book, The Real Secrets Women Only Whisper, The 21st Century Woman's Guide to Success and Survival - including dirty tricks every woman needs to know! 

The book is not being released until this fall, but I have an advance copy. Now, keep in mind that I get a pile of books each and every week from publishers and publicists wanting to get their author on Mary in the Morning. I've become very discerning in deciding who I feels has something new, relevant and original to lend to my show. Since first picking up this book about a month ago, I've thought about it every single day. I've given it to friends to read and review, and despite her Keep This Book Away From Men warning on the cover, I've given it to men and listened to their ideas as well.. Everyone who reads it is somewhat shocked, somewhat jarred, but all are impacted.  

Last week I caught up with Donna by phone at her office in Los Angeles. We spoke for an hour or so about our adult sons and their choices of women, WEEDS (her term for younger women stealing married men and destroying families), the swinging pendulum and backlash of feminism on the role of men. It was fascinating conversation. 

She'll tell you to just stop being a bitch to your husband, why to sign a pre-nup, why not to sleep with men you wouldn't marry, how to be a Cleo instead of a Cougar,why it's okay for your man to dress badly, and why you will never be Oprah.

I will interview her on Wednesday afternoon, it will air on Thursday at 7:30am. We do have a few copies to give away to listeners, but don't expect me to give up mine!